It seems intuitively obvious why men typically spend much less time in the bathroom than women, but these detailed instructions make it clear:

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Thanks to Beautiful Woman of the Day

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If you think about it, statues have hard lives.  They must stand in one place in the same fixed position their entire existence.  They never get to travel, they can’t laugh or smile, and birds constantly poop on them.

Sometimes humans let their emotions (and their hormones) get the best of them when they see these sad statues.  So humans throw their real bodies against the solid statue bodies in all sort of lewd and kinky poses.  Some people may believe these sexual acts are unnatural, but if you stop and think about it, having sex with statues isn’t often that much different than having sex with a lot of humans out there.

50 Funniest Statue Sex Photos

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Jon Stewart apologized last night for having said that South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford was on the Appalachian Trail having sex with a coyote, when in fact Sanford was in Argentina having sex with a married woman. 

Sanford held a press conference yesterday after going missing for seven days including Father’s Day.  His wife, his staff, even the Lieutenant Governor had no idea where he was.  Sanford apologized to his wife and four sons for his betrayal and resigned as head of the Republican Governors Association.  Stewart, who was sitting with a tub of popcorn and super-sized soda, getting ready for an exciting announcement by the governor, was ultimately disappointed that Sanford was just another hypocritical politician. 

Referencing Sanford’s views against gay marriage, Stewart said:

"Oh, marital infidelity.  You’re just another run of the mill human being whose simple moralizing about the sanctity of marriage is only marred by the complexities of their own life.  Well, just another politician with a conservative mind and a liberal penis."

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Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you’re going to smile when you think of this:

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

“Do you know how they make these gloves?” he asked.

“No, I don’t,” she replied.

“Well,” he spoofed, “there’s a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.”

She didn’t crack a smile.

“Oh, well.  I tried,” he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

The old lady replied, “I was just envisioning how condoms are made!”

More Funny Stuff

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Trivia: Do you know what movie they are referencing with the quote in the last frame?

From xkcd: A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.

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The Oscar-winning writer of the song “You Light Up My Life” was indicted on charges of sexually assaulting women on a casting couch.

Joseph Brooks, 71, faces multiple charges on crimes against 11 women.  The charges include rape, sexual abuse, forcible touching, assault, grand larceny and criminal mischief.

Brooks won an Oscar for best original song in the 1977 movie “You Light Up My Life” which he also directed.  Ironically, the movie is about a director who has a one-night stand with an actress.

The indictment alleges that Brooks flew women in for private auditions.  He would allegedly serve them wine that contained a date-rape drug, then sexually assault them.  Brooks’ attorney said his client is innocent of all charges.

Story on CNN

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A woman cancelled her church wedding and after discovering her fiancé was a porn star. 

Haylie Hocking, 27, found out just weeks before her wedding that her 30-year-old fiancé, Jason Brake, was an adult film star.  Her friend Lisa was searching online for a male stripper for her bachelorette party when Lisa discovered Brake with another woman in a porn flick. 

Hocking visited the website and confirmed the man in the film was her fiancé.  So she immediately cancelled the wedding.  “There was no way I could marry an adult film star,” Hocking said.

The couple met last year when Brake was a customer at the garage where Hocking worked.  He told her he was a personal trainer and the couple began dating.  Hocking said that Brake was a romantic, thoughtful and passionate lover.  No doubt because he had plenty of experience!  He moved in six months later, and proposed two months after that.

When confronted, Brake admitted he was earning money on the side from porn.  He said, “The sex side is purely for the camera, but Haylie did not understand I was only acting.  I am sorry and did not want to hurt her.  I still love Haylie and would have stopped doing porn if she had asked me to.”  Brake said he would be honest with women in future relationships.

Story at Telegraph

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Experts agree that too much Internet porn is bad for any healthy relationship.

From xkcd: A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language

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From Yahoo Answers.  Warning: may be offensive!

I am worried my son might be gay.  I want to get him checked.  Isn’t is possible to get a hormone check?  A vocal cord check?  Can’t a doctor indicate if he is gay or not?  My son has almost no muscles and narrow shoulders.  He also has blue eyes.  He talks in a very high voice and while he sings he sounds like a castrato.  He tells me his voice is called tenor.  How can I test if my son is gay?

What’s amazing is this was on mainstream Yahoo Answers, not something like Hustler.com!  Welcome to the World Wide Sewer.

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This rude but funny story has been floating around the Web:

I’ve never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.  But the whole Venus and Mars thing is real: women think with their hearts, and men think with their heads (the one between their legs, that is).  For example…

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I climbed into bed and started making out.  But right when things were getting hot and heavy, she pulled away and said, “No, Honey, I’m not in the mood.  I just want you to hold me.”

I was dumfounded and replied, “WHAT??!!”

So she said the words that every man on the planet dreads to hear: “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”  She then responded to my puzzled look by adding, “Can’t you just love me for who I am, and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that I wasn’t going to have sex that night, I rolled over and went to sleep.

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