From xkcd: A Webcomic of Romance, Sarcasm, Math and Language

Little did we know, but the best gymnastics at the Olympics isn’t in the medal competition, it’s after the games in the Olympic Village.  A new article in the TimesOnline by Matthew Syed, former English table tennis champion and now Olympic commentator, describes a sexual free-for-all among athletes in the Olympic village.

"I played my first Games in Barcelona in 1992 and got laid more often in those two and a half weeks than in the rest of my life up to that point," said Syed.  "That is to say twice, which may not sound a lot, but for a 21-year-old undergraduate with crooked teeth, it was a minor miracle."

Syed says sex was everywhere backstage.  There were "gorgeous hostesses" that assisted the athletes, "indigenous lovelies" aka groupies who came to watch the competitions, and of course there were the female athletes, "literally thousands of them - strutting, shimmying, sashaying and jogging around the village, clad in Lycra and exposing yard upon yard of shiny, toned, rippling and unimaginably exotic flesh."

It was good to hear that most athletes abstained and remained focused until after their competitions.  But because the International Olympic Committee insists on holding the swimming events at the beginning of the Games, the inevitable result is a bunch of horny sex-crazed swimmers getting it on while other athletes are still competing.  At the Sydney Olympics, Jonathan Edwards, a triple jump champion, sparked a minor controversy by asking the other athletes to tone it down.  Although Edwards was a Christian, apparently his concern was more about being awakened by squeaking beds.

I’ve really enjoyed watching the Olympics this year, which are especially amazing because they’re broadcast in high-definition and have top-notch camera work.  But now I’m beginning to think that I’ve missed the best part of the Olympics show.

Read More at TimesOnline

To be filed in the "funny but true" category, IfYouSeeSomething.net has charted three kinds of sex:

1. Sex in the movies
2. Sex in real life
3. Sex between two women

Notice how the mood changes when the dog jumps on the bed (or the phone rings, the kids knock on the door, the condom breaks…)

AdultMosaic.com is a nifty new Web service that will convert any JPEG or PNG image into a mosaic of sexy adult photos.  All you need to do is upload your image (max 2MB), enter your email address (they promise no spam, and so far I have not received any), and AdultMosaic will email you the results.

Here is a mosaic of the Linux logo.  Click the image to see the sexy detail.  If Linux was always this sexy, Windows would no longer dominate!

No doubt you have heard of carbon offsetting.  This is a service that enables you to pay money to assuage your conscience for your part in destroying the Earth. 

This is how it works:  Let’s say you want to fly to Hawaii for vacation.  The jet you fly on will generate tons of CO2, which some scientists believe is the cause of global warming.  To cover your portion of the pollution, you can purchase a carbon offset, and in return, the sellers promise to use your money to plant a tree.

Conservation and preservation of the planet is extremely important for our human species and all living things.  But carbon offsets are just plain stupid.  In most cases, it’s just a shell game that uses your hard-earned money to line the pockets of swindlers.  Why do I believe this?  Because there are thousands of web sites that will TAKE your money for carbon offsets, but not a single website that will PAY you money for any positive effects that you may have on the environment.  In my opinion, you are better off spending your money on compact fluorescent lightbulbs.

But the overwhelming success of carbon offsets has some crooks thinking about how to use this shell game to lure other suckers.  And voila, "cheat offsetting" is born.  The concept is simple, as described on CheatNeutral.com:

"When you cheat on your partner you add to the heartbreak, pain and jealousy in the atmosphere. Cheatneutral offsets your cheating by funding someone else to be faithful and NOT cheat. This neutralizes the pain and unhappy emotion and leaves you with a clear conscience."

Unfortunately, the only thing you will be left with is an empty wallet and a bad case of genital warts.  Instead, perhaps you should use that guilt money to buy your wife some flowers.

Thanks to Global Warming: Fact or Fiction? for this story.

Actress Kate Winslet said shooting a sex scene with her good friend and "Titanic" lover Leonardo DiCaprio was "weird."  Making it even more uncomfortable was the fact that Kate’s real-life husband was directing the scene.  Winslet and DiCaprio are filming their new movie "Revolutionary Road," and Winslet’s husband Sam Mendes is directing.

"I just kept saying, ‘This is too … weird,’" Winslet told Entertainment Weekly.  "And Leo was like, ‘Oh, get over it.’  And I’m going, ‘Yeah, a little reminder: You’re my best friend.  He’s my husband.  This is a bit weird.’"

Mendes, married to Winslet since 2003, told EW, "I will admit it was quite bizarre to direct my wife in how to make love.  But it’s difficult whether you’re married to a person or not."

Apparently the on-screen chemistry between the two stars hasn’t faded.  "I hadn’t realized how much my chemistry with him since ‘Titanic’ would still stick," Winslet said about DiCaprio.  "It’s great to discover we can just slip right into it, like muscle memory."  It’s just like riding a bike… or perhaps the bow of a ship.

There is no wrath like a woman scorned.  An Australia woman is airing her husband’s dirty laundry to the world by auctioning on eBay his lover’s panties and an empty condom packet.  The auction listing includes a photo of lacy black panties "size humongous" and an empty condom wrapper "size small" she found in her bed after her husband allegedly had extramarital sex with a woman named Kylie.

Originally, the jilted wife "Anna" tried to sell the actual panties on eBay, describing them as "so huge I thought they may make someone a nice shawl, or even better, something for Halloween perhaps."  But eBay closed the original auction because of its policy against selling secondhand underwear.  So now the woman is just selling a photo of the panties.  Apparently someone is stupid enough to pay $33 for a photo of underwear.

Anna promises this listing will not be the last, saying that her husband’s Harley Hog motorcycle is the next item to be auctioned.

Read more at CourierMail

So what’s the deal with beauty queens lately?  They can’t seem to stay out of trouble.

In 2006, Miss USA Tara Conner went to rehab because of cocaine and alcohol addiction.  Then Miss Washington was embarrassed by raunchy photos.  Now, semi-topless photos of Venezuelan hottie Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza have appeared on the Web.

But fortunately the photos are only sensual and not explicit.  Miss Universe Organization President Paula M. Shugart said the photos are artistic in nature and actually prove her to be one of the most beautiful women in the world.  "We embrace and respect her success as a model and the artistic beauty captured in these photographs," Shugart said.

Click here for more photos

Perhaps it’s time to change the church window…

Australian gynecologists have blacklisted cosmetic surgery to improve the vagina.  The doctors claim that too many women are injured by the dangerous procedures.  Problems include scarring, infections and altered sexual sensations.  Some patients required reconstructive surgery to undo the damage.

Labioplasty, which changes the external appearance of the vagina usually by reducing the size of the labia or lips, is the most common vagina cosmetic surgery.  Less common is surgery to narrow the vagina or improve sensitivity of the G-spot.  Most of the operations cost at least $10,000.

Dr. Ted Weaver, chairman of the health committee at the New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, issued a statement on designer vaginas, calling them dangerous, expensive and unwarranted.  “We feel these operations might prey on people with insecurities and fears who actually need psychological help,” Weaver said.  “They are also not very anatomically-based and have the potential to cause serious harm.”

Doctors are concerned that women don’t realize there is a huge variation in the appearance of women’s genitalia.  “In one case we heard of a man bringing in a Brazilian pornographic photo and saying: ‘Make my girlfriend look like this’,” Dr Weaver said.  Just like hair color, breast size and booty shape, vagina size and shape varies widely among women.

More at News.Com.Au